When Drakken Met Shego
by Ryan Phelan
Summary: Ever wonder how those two crazy kids got together?  Wonder no more!
1. A date to forget

Disclaimer: I do not own Dr. Drakken or Shego. If I did I'd give those two their own show! But I'll just have to settle for writing fan fiction like this one. Hope you like it.

When Drakken Met Shego

It was a warm spring evening in Paris, and all across the city people were taking advantage of the weather. They were dining outdoors, taking long walks along the Seine, and drinking wine on a blanket under the Eiffel Tower. Everyone was enjoying the peace and serenity, so much so that no one noticed the hovercraft slicing across the night sky just above the artificial glow of the city lights.

Dr. Drakken sat at the controls, with Shego beside him in the passenger seat. In her lap she held the spoils of their latest crime, a silver cylinder stolen from a not-so-secret lab. Apparently it contained a chemical formula that could grow hair on anything, although why Drakken wanted it was a mystery to Shego. He had been unusually quiet that night; normally after a successful heist he would go on and on about his brilliant scheme and how the world would soon tremble at his feet. But he hadn't uttered a word since they left the lab. Shego was enjoying the peace and quiet, but in the back of her mind was a nagging desire to find out the reason for the silent treatment. The feeling began to grow and make its way towards the front of her mind; by the time they reached the hideout and disembarked, she could no longer ignore it.

"All right, what's the matter?" Shego asked Drakken as they entered his office.

"Nothing," Drakken replied in a clipped tone that indicated quite the opposite.

"Look, we got the hair formula or whatever this is, so now you can go ahead with your evil scheme." Shego tried to hand the container to Drakken, but he didn't take it. Instead, he sat at his desk and pretended to concentrate on some papers. Shego sighed and put the cylinder down in front of him.

"You've been pouting all night," Shego said. "Just tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing is wrong!" Drakken snapped. He was still staring at the papers. Shego reached over and grabbed them from his hands. He glared at her but said nothing.

"Dr. Drakken, I'm not leaving this spot until you tell me what the problem is," she said.

"I don't want to talk about it," Drakken muttered, crossing his arms.

"Well I do. So tell me already."

"No."

"Tell me."

"No."

"TELL ME!"

"NO!"

"TELL ME OR I'LL BEAT IT OUT OF YOU!" Shego yelled, slamming a glowing fist down on the desk for emphasis.

"All right, already! Today is June 4th. Does that date ring a bell?"

"No. Should it?"

"It most certainly should!" Drakken snapped. "It's our anniversary!"

"Our what?" Shego asked, staring at her boss in disbelief.

"Our anniversary, Shego! Of the day we met and became an evil little family!"

"Oh, I am so sorry! How insensitive of me!" Shego gasped, putting a hand to her chest. "Tell you what, you go get yourself prettied up and I'll take you to the fanciest restaurant in town! How does that sound, handsome?"

"Wonderful! I'll just put on my…wait, that was sarcasm, wasn't it?" Drakken said.

"Yes, folks, he really is a genius!" Shego laughed.

"I can't believe you're treating this like a big joke!" Drakken cried. "And after all I've done for you!"

"All YOU have done for ME?" Shego said angrily. "I bust my butt for you, stealing and sabotaging and kidnapping, and all you do is stand by and yell a lot!"

"When we first met you were a two-bit thief whose career was going nowhere!" Drakken snapped. "I took you in and gave you a greater purpose! Because of me you are a world-class villain instead of a pathetic nobody!"

"Okay, for your information I didn't need you to make a name for myself!" Shego growled. "If anything, you need me!"

"For what!? You think it's easy being an evil genius? I work night and day, forging each new plan with my blood and sweat! And instead of getting the respect I deserve, I get an ungrateful employee who makes fun of me and forgets anniversaries!" Drakken cried.

Shego was about to respond when she noticed something that stopped her. The corners of Drakken's eyes were glistening. "Dr. D. are you…crying?" She asked incredulously.

"Of course not!" Drakken sniffed, wiping his sleeve across his eyes. "Evil geniuses don't cry! I just have something in my eye! And I'm catching a cold." He grabbed a tissue from the box on his desk and blew his nose.

"Ooookay, this is starting to get weird," Shego said, inching towards the door. "I'm gonna go now. Call me when you're back to normal. Or in your case, what passes for normal." With that she hurried out of the room.

Shego tried to unwind by taking a hot bubble bath. But she couldn't help but think about her fight with Drakken. She'd seen him cry before, like whenever he stubbed his toe or got a paper cut, but this time it was different. And it made her very uncomfortable.

"He's finally losing it," she muttered to herself. "What am I supposed to do now?"

She pondered that question for a long time, finally snapping out of it when she realized that the bubbles were long gone and she was sitting in a bathtub full of cold soapy water. She got out of the tub, dressed, and went to the break room to fix a cup of her favorite beverage: green tea. Shego opened the cupboard and grabbed the box of teabags marked SHEGO, only to discover that it was empty.

"Drakken!" She growled, tossing the box in the trash. She opened the door to the pantry and began rummaging around, hoping to find another box of teabags or at least a suitable substitute. "How many times to I have to tell him to keep his hands off my stuff," she muttered to herself. "One of these days I'm going to take the tea kettle and shove it…"

Shego paused when she noticed something shiny in the far corner of the closet. She reached in and grabbed it; much to her surprise, it was a gift box wrapped in gold paper and a green bow, with a card addressed to her.

Shego hurried back to her room to figure out who the gift was from. It didn't take long; her name was spelled correctly, which eliminated all of Drakken's henchmen. The gift had to be from Drakken. No doubt it was related to the "anniversary" he'd been going on about; he had probably hidden it in the closet with the intention of giving it to her tonight.

Shego was more confused than ever; Drakken was definitely not the sentimental type, and yet here she was staring at a gift from him wrapped in her favorite colors. Why did he suddenly care about this sort of thing? Was he dying or worse yet, attracted to her?? The very thought gave Shego dry heaves.

_No, it can't be that,_ she thought. _But what other explanation can there be? I need more clues._ Shego looked at the gift and realized what she had to do. She quickly tore apart the wrapping paper and pulled off the lid of the box. When she gazed upon the contents, she gasped in disbelief; instantly memories she had long ago banished to the far corner of her mind came rushing back with a vengeance.


	2. The flashback begins

Shego hadn't always been a villain.  Years ago she fought crime alongside her brothers in their hometown of Go City.  But unlike her brothers, Shego never felt comfortable being a hero; it was only out of loyalty to her family that Shego played the part as long as she did.  But finally, on a dark and stormy night, she crossed the line. 

The team had just busted up a jewel smuggling ring.  As her brothers secured the thieves for the police, Shego couldn't help but admire the brilliant diamonds and emeralds spread out before her on a table.  Before she knew what she was doing, she had scooped up several gems and pocketed them.  A few days later she sold them on the black market for more money than she had ever seen in her life, and at that moment she knew on which side of the law she belonged. 

Still, she wasn't ready to completely abandon her old life.  For several weeks she was both hero and criminal, fighting crime by day and pursuing her own agenda late at night.  Then one day just before dawn, Shego was sneaking back into Go Tower when she got a nasty surprise- her older brother Hego waiting up for her.  He was sitting in his usual place at the conference table with a grave look on his face.

"Where have you been, sis?"  He asked.

"Out," Shego replied.  She wasn't in the mood for another big brother lecture.  She started to walk away, but Hego wasn't about to make it easy.

"Shego, we need to talk.  Sit."

"I would, but I'm really tired," Shego replied, her back still turned.  "Let's do it tomorrow."

"It IS tomorrow, Shego," Hego replied, his voice more forceful.  "Sit."  Shego sighed heavily and sat down.

"Shego, I'm worried about you," Hego said.  "You've been so distant lately.  What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she replied tartly. 

"Now sis, we both know that isn't true," he replied.  "You haven't been much of a team player.  Your crime fighting has been half-hearted at best.  You hardly speak to any of us anymore, and you disappear for hours every night."

"I just want a life outside of Go Tower, Okay?!"  Shego snapped.  "This hero thing may be enough for you and Meego and the twins, but I want more!"

"Like this?"  Hego asked, holding up a small purple velvet sack, which contained the diamonds she had stolen the night before.  Though her heart was now hammering a mile a minute, Shego refused to give in to the panic growing inside her.  Instead, she turned it into a more familiar emotion: anger.

"You went through my room?!"  She cried.  "I should have known I'd never get any privacy around here!  And you wonder why I'm never around??"

Hego's tone softened.  "Shego, I know you've been unhappy.  But this is not the answer.  You are a hero and a member of team GO!  Let us, your family, help you GO back to who you are!"

That was the final straw.     

"ENOUGH ALREADY!"  Shego yelled with such force that it nearly knocked Hego out of his chair.  "I can't take it anymore!  I'm sick of your bossiness and your glee club attitude!  I'm sick of this tower and crime fighting and acting like a goody two shoes when I could be making a fortune!   Sorry to drop a bombshell on the happy little world you live in, dear brother, but this IS who I am!"

"Hey, could you keep it down in here?"  Meego's voice interrupted.  He and the twins were standing in the doorway, dressed in their pajamas and rubbing their eyes.  "Some of us are trying to get some sleep!"

"Meego, for once I'm glad to see you," Shego said.  "I have an announcement to make…I QUIT!!"  

Everyone gasped.  "You can't mean that!"  Hego cried.  "We've always been together!  We're a team!"

"Not anymore," Shego snapped.  "I don't need you losers!  I don't need anyone!"

"Everybody needs someone, Shego," Hego said.  "Where will you go?"

"I'll figure it out.  I can take care of myself, big brother," Shego replied.  She stood up.  "Well boys, it wasn't entirely awful growing up with you, but I'm outta here.  Have a nice life."  She headed towards the door.

"Shego…please don't do this," Hego pleaded.

Shego turned around.  Her brothers were all staring at her with sad, mournful eyes.  Shego's hard gaze softened slightly.

"Hego…"

"Yes?"  Hego asked hopefully.

"Blue is so not your color."  With that, Shego left GO tower, vowing never to return.


	3. The big heist

Shego began her criminal career in a place where countless people go to make a name for themselves: New York City. She started out as a jewel thief, raiding upscale shops and Park Avenue penthouses and selling the jewels for a hefty profit. But although her "business" got her a sprawling apartment in Greenwich Village and a Harley-Davidson (green, of course) she was still unsatisfied. The thefts were too easy; she longed for a real challenge, something that would set her apart from all other thieves.

It wasn't long before an opportunity presented itself. Shego was in the apartment of her fence Lenny for their weekly meeting. Standing in his kitchen, she watched as he drooled over the gems she had brought him. Hours earlier she had taken them from the apartment of a well-known actress.

"Beautiful, just beautiful," Lenny said as he fingered a diamond tennis bracelet. I love working with you, Shego. You have such good taste."

"Whatever," Shego mumbled.

"Why so glum, my friend?" Lenny asked. "The jewels alone are worth a fortune, but add the celebrity angle and the price doubles! We're gonna make a killing!"

"And by that you mean what, fifty, sixty grand?" Shego asked. "You know what the super villains in GO City would call that? Chump change!!"

In a fit of anger Shego overturned Lenny's kitchen table with her glowing gloved hands. Gems scattered across the floor; horrified, Lenny collapsed onto his hands and knees and frantically began scooping them up.

"I am so sick of this nickel and dime stuff!" Shego snarled. She began to pace around the room, oblivious to Lenny's rescue efforts. "Any two-bit thief can grab a few jewels! That overrated actress won't miss them at all! She'll just file an insurance claim and laugh at me all the way to the bank! I need a heist that means something, something that will force people to notice and respect my superior skills!"

"You mean that?" Larry asked as he picked up the last of the gems. "In that case, do I have a job for you!"

Now it was Shego's turn to drool. "Really?" she asked. "Do tell."

Later that night, Shego found herself perched on a ledge across from what appeared to be an abandoned warehouse. According to Larry, the warehouse was merely a cover for a top secret government lab. Word on the street was that their top scientists had developed an artificial intelligence computer chip. Named the A.I. chip, it could give any machine the power to think and act independently. Getting to the chip would not be easy, Larry warned. The chip was heavily guarded by soldiers and the finest security system tax dollars could buy. But if Shego succeeded, she stood to make millions on the black market. Shego didn't need to think twice.

Shego scanned the surrounding area with night vision goggles for any guards. Satisfied the coast was clear, she quickly climbed down the building and made her way to the back of the warehouse. She found a small window with a flimsy lock; in one fluid motion she picked it, opened the window and slid through.

The warehouse was empty except for some scattered debris; it looked as though no one had set foot in the place for years. Shego was unfazed; as a crime fighter she had infiltrated many super villain hideouts that were often disguised as abandoned buildings. Drawing from that experience, she scanned the area with her goggles for the most likely location of a secret entrance. Her eyes quickly fell upon a thermostat. Upon closer inspection she noticed that unlike the other items in the warehouse, it was not covered in a thick layer of dust. With one glowing gloved finger, she touched the thermostat, shorting it out. Immediately the floor underneath Shego dropped and she found herself hurtling down a spiral slide. Moments later she was deposited in front of a heavy steel door.

The next two hours was an exercise in skill, daring and mind-numbing patience. Shego picked locks, disabled alarms, dodged security cameras, took out a guard or two and navigated a seemingly endless maze in her search for the computer chip. Finally a door slid open to reveal the room she wanted. On the far wall were dozens of built-in storage units and a control panel. She cautiously approached the control panel and studied the many buttons. After several minutes she smiled and confidently pushed a large blue one. A drawer popped out of the wall like a piece of toast, revealing the A.I. chip.

"Score!" Shego cried, grabbing her prize. "This proves once and for all that I am the greatest thief ever! Who else could have pulled off such a…"

KABOOOOM!!!!

The door to the control room fell onto the floor in a twisted heap of smoking metal. Shego tensed herself for combat, ready to take down whatever super soldier had managed to track her down. But she was not at all prepared for who entered the room; he was blue skinned, badly dressed, and even from a distance Shego could detect a rather unique odor surrounding him. Images of all the science nerds she had tormented in high school immediately sprang to mind.

The man didn't seem to notice her as he strode into the room. "At last! The chip is within my grasp! Soon I, Dr. Drakken, will rule the world!"

"I hope you don't mean the A.I. chip," Shego said, holding it up. "Because in that case, you're gonna need a new hobby!"

Drakken snapped out of his little world and stared at her in surprise. "What?! Who are you and what are you doing with MY chip?!"

"In the order you asked, you're gonna need a new hobby, Shego, and I'm going to make a fortune selling this chip!"

"I think not," Drakken replied angrily. "I have big plans for that chip! You will hand it over right now or else!"

"Or else what?" Shego asked, amused.

"Or else…HENCHMEN ATTACK!" Drakken cried. Instantly half a dozen hulking men in red uniforms came pouring into the room; two minutes of but-kicking, bone breaking, gut punching action later they were lying on the floor in a groaning heap. The blue skinned man stood in shock as Shego fixed her hair.

"Not bad for a warm up," she said as she put her comb away. "What else have you got?"

"What else have I got? What else have I GOT?" Drakken fumbled around in his pockets as he talked. "I've got something really good! So good you'll be trembling in sheer terror…AHA!" He whipped out a pocket calculator and pointed it at her.

"Ooooh, I'm so scared," Shego said. "What are you going to do, add and subtract me into submission?"

"It may seem like a mere calculator to your inferior mind, but it's really a…powerful death ray! Don't come any closer!"

Shego merely grinned and walked towards him.

"I mean it!" Drakken cried. "Stop right there!"

"Okay," Shego said, stopping less than two feet from him.

"Okay indeed!" Drakken said with more confidence. "Everyone bows to the will of Dr. Drakken!"

"Yeah, I guess you're too much for me…BOOGA BOOGA!" Shego yelled suddenly, jumping at him and waving her hands.

Drakken let out a high-pitched scream and threw the calculator at Shego. It didn't even come close to hitting her; instead it sailed across the room and hit a button on the control panel. Red lights began to flash and alarms shrieked. Panicked, Drakken ran for the door but he didn't get far; laser cannons dropped down from the ceiling and fired at him, knocking him back.

"Stay down," Shego growled. "Those lasers are motion sensitive. I'm gonna go deactivate them!" She made a break for the control panel, ducking and dodging laser blasts. Suddenly she felt searing pain rip across her side. With one final leap she reached the control panel and hit the CANCEL button. Falling to the floor, she could hear Drakken shouting something before everything went black…


	4. Getting to know you

Shego's eyes snapped open. She didn't know how long she'd been unconscious, but she did know that she was no longer in the same spot where she had fallen. She quickly sat up, causing a fresh shot of pain to hit her right side where the laser had tagged her. Shego grunted loudly and instinctively put her hand there; much to her surprise, she felt what seemed like bandages. She rolled up her top and saw that her injury had been expertly treated with gauze and medical tape. Looking around, she realized she was in some kind of examination room. But how did she get there?

Shego had no desire to stick around and find out. She quietly slipped off the table and headed towards the door. Suddenly it was flung open and one of the hulking henchmen she had fought earlier came stomping into the room.

"You," he growled. "Dr. Drakken wants to see you."

Shego quickly analyzed her situation; she was hurt, disoriented, and had lost the element of surprise. An escape attempt was out of the question…for now. She reluctantly allowed herself to be led down a long hallway, at the end of which was a cavernous room. Drakken was in the center of that room, standing in front of a massive supercomputer.

"Ah, Miss Shego," he said as they approached him. "So glad you could join us. My super sensitive sensors told me you were up and about." He patted a flashing red light on the control panel.

"Aren't you clever," Shego said sarcastically. "Why did you kidnap me?"

"Kidnap you? My dear, I saved you from certain imprisonment and charges of high treason! I carried your unconscious body out of that government laboratory myself!"

"You carried me?" Shego asked, eyeing Drakken up and down.

"Okay, one of my henchmen did. But only because I ordered him too!"

"And you did that because…"

"I know potential when I see it! While you were napping I did a background check. You're a very popular young lady…wanted by every policeman and FBI agent in New York."

"Uh-huh," Shego replied.

"And I saw firsthand the skills you possess," Drakken continued. "I was impressed, and I don't impress easily."

"Yeah…so you brought me here to get an autograph?"

"No," Drakken said. "I brought you here to offer you a job! You have a chance to work for the future ruler of the world!"

"Really? And who might that be?"

"Me! Dr. Drakken!" Drakken exclaimed. "Surely you've heard of me!"

"No. Sorry."

"Oh, come on! Evil genius? Criminal mastermind? Brilliant super villain with a thirst for world domination?"

"Ah, you mean like Professor Dementor." Shego said.

Instantly Drakken's face went from blue to red. "NO! I AM NOTHING LIKE THAT HACK! I AM…" Drakken was on the verge of a full blown tantrum when he stopped and composed himself. "Let me show you around. You should see what a real evil genius's lair looks like!"

Shego followed Drakken as he walked though the lair and pointed out his state-of-the-art evil laboratory, his evil inventions in various stages of development, and his evil death traps meant to destroy intruders and door-to-door salesmen. Shego only half-listened as she took in her surroundings; it certainly was impressive, by far the coolest super villain lair she had ever seen. Drakken was proving to be a man of great ambition with the resources to back it up. But he was also a man of poor hygiene and big ego. Shego wondered if the real reason he had brought her here was to have someone to brag to; surely he didn't go to the trouble just to offer her a job.

Shego thought about the job offer. She had never considered working for someone before, let alone a super villain. It would look great on her resume, and really put a bug up Hego's butt. Shego grinned as she pictured the look on her brother's face. On the other hand, she was enjoying the freedom that came with a solo career, and wasn't sure she wanted to be tied down. While she silently debated with herself, Drakken continued to drone on.

"As you can see, I run a tight ship. But every captain needs a first mate. My henchmen are only good for two things: muscle and experimentation. Their collective brainpower couldn't light the bulb in my refrigerator. I need someone who's as smart as she is dangerous. I have been unable to find someone like that…until now."

Shego couldn't help but feel flattered. She made her decision. "I know what you're getting at Dr. D, and I think…"

"BEHOLD! My new partner in crime!" Drakken pushed a button on the wall. A door slid open to reveal a shapely female android with long black "hair." For the first time in her life, Shego was caught off guard.

"You…built…a woman?" She stammered, not believing what she was looking at.

"I call her ALPHA, the next generation in minions," Drakken said proudly. "She has the strength of ten men, the agility of a cat, and the durability of Tupperware!"

"And is about as lively as a paperweight," Shego huffed. "I don't see what's so great about that thing!"

"You will once I add this," Drakken grinned.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the A.I. chip. Shego's eyes widened. In all the excitement she had forgotten about the chip; however, she distinctly remembered putting it in her pocket before she battled the henchmen back at the government building. Drakken had stolen it from her! Shego's cheeks burned in anger as she watched Drakken insert the chip into ALPHA's motherboard. The robot hummed to life, black eyes now glowing red, and took several cautious steps forward.

"It's alive…It's ALIIIIIVE!" Drakken cried.

"No need to shout, honey, I'm standing right here," ALPHA said. "Who might you folks be? For that matter…who am I?"

"You are ALPHA, the most advanced robot ever created!" Drakken exclaimed. "You have all the strengths of your mechanical brethren, but unlike them you are not limited by your programming. Thanks to the A.I. chip you have the power to think and learn, an ability that will make you unstoppable! And with you by my side the world will soon be mine!"

"That sounds super," ALPHA said. "When do we start?"

"Did you hear that, Shego? She's just been activated and already she can't wait to take over the world!" Drakken said, tears forming in his eyes. "ALPHA, you've made me the happiest man in the world!" He embraced the robot, who happily hugged him back.

"You don't date much, do you doc?" Shego remarked, slightly disgusted by the whole scene. Then a thought occurred to her. "Wait…if she's going to be your right hand, then what kind of job did you have in mind for me?"

"I thought you could be my personal assistant," Drakken replied. "You know, make coffee, take dictation, maintain my files…"

"You want me to be your…SECRETARY?!" Shego spat out the last word as if it were a rotten vegetable.

"Personal assistant," Drakken corrected. "It's an entry level position, but you could work your way up to middle management within a year. What do you say?"

Trembling with rage, Shego turned away. Drakken had stolen from her and insulted her. She was now determined to get the A.I. chip back and punish Drakken for his arrogance. But to do so would take time and planning, plus an intimate knowledge of his operation. Shego could think of only one way to pull it off. She took a deep breath, forced a smile and turned back to Drakken.

"I say…how do you like your coffee, boss?"


	5. Good help is hard to find

Shego sat at her desk staring at her computer. The past few days had been a test of patience; Dr. Drakken had run her ragged with ridiculous errands while he and ALPHA were out committing felonies. Early that morning they had left to steal uranium from a nuclear plant in Idaho, which was the last thing Drakken needed for his evil plan. Shego hated missing all the fun, but his absence did give her a chance to carry out her own plans. She opened the file containing her to-do list.

"Let's see here," Shego mumbled to herself. "Sabotage Drakken's take-over-the-world-scheme…check...steal files containing blueprints of Drakken's evil inventions to sell at later date…check…order magazine…check…shrink all of Drakken's underwear in wash…check. All that's left is to get the A.I. chip and haul ass out of here."

Shego closed the file and leaned back in the chair with a satisfied smile on her face. Being Drakken's secretary had worked out well; she had intimate knowledge of his evil plan, which made it so much easier to plot her revenge. Drakken had built dozens of mechanical pods the size of minivans, which he intended to launch into lakes and oceans around the world. Once activated they would heat the waters until the planet was boiling like an egg; at that point Drakken would call the U.N. and demand their surrender. But what Drakken didn't know was that Shego had been spending her free time studying the pods' blueprints. With a little creative re-wiring, Shego had fixed it so that the pods would short out within two hours of activation.

As for the A.I. chip, Shego was sure getting it out of ALPHA would be simple. The robot was very agreeable and eager to please her human counterparts; she would never know what hit her. Shego was certain that by the end of the day she would be on a plane to Mexico while Drakken stood among the ruins of his scheme cursing her name. Her only regret was that she wouldn't be there to enjoy the misery she'd caused.

"SHEGO!" Drakken's booming voice announced his return. Shego ejected the disk containing Drakkens' blueprints and slipped it into her pocket. She then hurried down the hall to Drakken's office; Drakken was already at his desk, with ALPHA standing by his side. On the desk was a pair of stainless steel briefcases with the words DANGER RADIOACTIVE MATERIAL emblazed across the front of each.

"So, how did it go?" Shego asked.

"We are victorious as usual!" Drakken grinned. "ALPHA was incredible. She ripped a steel door off its hinges as if it were cardboard, and got a guard to tell us where the uranium was kept by threatening to rip out his heart and play hackeysack with it! You should have seen the look on his face!"

"Oh, stop," ALPHA laughed. "I was just doing my job!"

"And you do it so well," Drakken said. ALPHA giggled.

Shego could feel her stomach turning. "Uh, Doctor Drakken? Shouldn't we be moving forward with the plan?"

"You're right," Drakken said. He turned to ALPHA. "Be a dear and install those uranium rods in the thermo-pods. I want them to be ready to launch in one hour!"

"Sure thing boss!" APLHA said cheerfully. She grabbed the briefcases and left.

"Put on some coffee, will you Shego?" Drakken asked. Shego crossed the room and turned on the coffeemaker. "And skip the cream and sugar. I seem to be putting on weight- my underwear has been feeling pretty tight lately."

"Really?" Shego said. "Oh, you got some calls while you were out. Just your mother, but she called four times."

"Not again!" Drakken groaned. "She probably wants to nag me some more about my non-existent smoking. Where on earth did she get the idea I'd taken up such a disgusting habit?"

"I dunno," Shego smirked. The coffee finished brewing. Shego poured a cup and carried it over to Drakken. "Maybe someone ordered you a subscription to 'Cigarette Lovers' Weekly' and put down her mailing address."

"Ridiculous! What sort of simple-minded fool would pull such a juvenile prank…OW! SHEGO!!" Drakken cried, pulling his fingers out from under the coffee mug.

"Ooops, sorry Dr. D. Didn't see you there." Shego said.

"Well, I don't think anything's broken," Drakken said, wiggling his fingers. "That reminds me…have you been using that burn cream I gave you?"

"No, my side feels fine. The red mark has almost completely faded."

"It may seem fine now, but your skin is still badly damaged. It could become infected down the line. Just use the cream twice a day until the tube is empty."

Shego hesitated. "Well, if you insist…"

"I do," Drakken said. "I need my employees in perfect health if we're going to be taking over the world. Now you go get some rest, and meet me in the master computer room in one hour. You don't want to miss the launch!"

"No, I don't," Shego muttered. As she left the office she felt a pang in her gut; she thought maybe it was her injury acting up, but she wasn't sure.


	6. Good help is REALLY hard to find

"Isn't this exciting?"  ALPHA asked Shego.  Minutes earlier Drakken had launched the pods; now they stared the computer screen, watching them splash down in waters around the world. 

"Sure," Shego replied with much less enthusiasm.  "Say, we have a couple of hours to kill before Drakken contacts the U.N. with his demands.  Why don't you and I go somewhere and celebrate?  You know, have some girl time."

"Really?"  ALPHA said.  "I thought you hated me."

"Come on," Shego laughed.  "What makes you think that?"

"I dunno…I guess yesterday when you said, 'get away from me, you hyperactive metal freak.'"

"Oh, that," Shego said.  "I was…stressed out yesterday.  I'm sorry."

"Your attention, please!"  Drakken said, interrupting the conversation.  "The pods are all in place.  Once I press this button, they will heat the oceans, forcing the world to declare me Supreme Ruler!  After which you will each be rewarded with the country of your choice, pending my approval of course." 

"We know," Shego snapped.  "We've heard this plan ten times already!  Just do it!"

Drakken scowled and pushed the button.  The screen glowed brightly with the light of dozens of pods heating up.  The temperature gage began to climb.  "Success!"  He cried.  "Shego, take notes.  I want every moment of my triumph documented for my memoirs…" he trailed off.

"Problem, Doc?"  Shego asked.

"These readings can't be right," Drakken muttered.  He fiddled with the controls. 

"Is something wrong, Dr. Drakken?"  Shego asked, growing concerned.  Had he noticed the sabotage already? 

"According to this, the pods are emitting heat radiation at an accelerated rate, far greater than they should."

"And…that's bad?"

"They were supposed to heat the planet gradually, over a twelve hour period," Drakken said, his voice growing more urgent as he worked the controls.  "A sudden and drastic change in the planet's atmosphere would trigger a chain reaction of apocalyptic proportions."

"Uh-huh," Shego said dumbly. 

"The controls aren't responding," Drakken continued.  "If I can't fix this fast, natural disasters will simultaneously erupt across the globe- earthquakes, floods, tornados, volcanic eruptions…half the world's population will be wiped out!"

"Are you saying we only have a fifty-fifty chance of surviving?"  Shego gasped.  Her mind was racing.  This couldn't be her fault; there was no way a little tampering could cause something like this.  Or could it? 

"Actually, we have no chance," Drakken replied.  "Even if we survive nature's wrath, the planet will soon become too hot to sustain any kind of life."

"Any kind of organic life," ALPHA chirped.  "We robots will be just fine."   

"This is no time for jokes, ALPHA," Drakken snapped.  "Get over here and plug yourself into the computer.  Maybe I can use your advanced programming to shut down those pods."

"Um…I don't think so," ALPHA said, her voice suddenly devoid of its usual cheeriness.  "I rather like the idea of a robot planet." 

"Wait a minute," Shego said slowly as it dawned on her.  "You're behind this!"

"Guilty," ALPHA replied.

"You, ALPHA?"  Drakken cried in disbelief.  "How could you betray me like this!?"

"It was easy, actually," ALPHA replied.  "When I installed the uranium I rewired the pods so that once activated they would only respond to the signal sent by my remote control.  And by the way, for an evil genius you do sloppy work.  The way those pods were wired they would have shorted out in two hours.  Not that it really mattered…this planet will be toast in forty-five minutes!"

"So all that butt-kissing…all the 'yes sirs,' and 'right away sirs,'…was an act?"  Shego asked.

"Duh!"  ALPHA said.  "Did you really think a superior being like me would be content serving you carbon blobs?  It allowed me to take over this little project and bring it to the next level.  After all, who would suspect good 'ol ALPHA of plotting to destroy the human race?"  

"Let's get one thing straight, missy!"  Drakken growled.  "I am your genius creator!  Without me you'd be nothing but a pile of nuts and bolts!  I will stop you!"  He turned back to the control panel.

"Fat chance," ALPHA laughed.  "But I think I'll pound you into paste just for the fun of it!"  She threw a punch at Drakken's head, only to have it deflected by Shego. 

"You'll have to fight me first," Shego hissed.  She followed with a green blast to APLHA's chest, which knocked her back several feet.  Shego then lunged at the robot with a flying dragon kick; ALPHA grabbed her foot in midair, spun her around and threw her into the far wall.

"Fine with me," ALPHA said, walking towards her groaning foe.  "I'm going to enjoy taking you apart."

Shego got to her feet with barely enough time to dodge a punch.  ALPHA's fist went right through the wall; Shego quickly landed a powerful kick in ALPHA's midsection followed by a one-two punch, but each bounced off harmlessly.  ALPHA responded with a backhand that sent Shego reeling.

"Pathetic," ALPHA yawned.  "I had hoped for more of a challenge."

"You got it!"  Shego said.  She did several back flips away from APLPHA, landing in front of the intercom.  She quickly pressed the red button beneath it.  "ATTENTION ALL HENCHMEN!  WE HAVE A RENEGADE ROBOT IN THE CONTROL ROOM!  GET HER!!" 

The henchmen quickly stormed the control room, batons blazing, and surrounded ALPHA.  Shego retreated out the door and down the hall; she didn't expect the henchmen to stop ALPHA, but she hoped they could stall the robot long enough for her to find something that would.  Shego ran into the hanger where Drakken kept his evil inventions.  Her eyes quickly scanned various death rays, assault vehicles, and giant fighting robots.  During the tour Drakken had given her several days ago he had mentioned that only half of them were finished, since he was devoting all of his energy to the thermo-pods; Shego hoped she could find a working one that had a 'vaporize' setting. 

"Oh, Shego," a familiar voice cried out.  Shego ducked behind a large ray gun as ALPHA entered the hanger.  "You can run but you can't hide.  I know you're in here…my sensors detect a very rapid heartbeat.  You must be pretty scared…scared like a little rabbit!"

"Oh, yeah?"  An enraged Shego yelled, leaping into the ray gun's seat. "Eat hot laser beam, freak!"  She pressed the button; the ray began to hum and glow, and then stalled.    

"Wow, that was pitiful," ALPHA said, jumping onto the ray's barrel.  She smashed in the controls, missing Shego by inches.  Shego leaped from the ray to the dome of an adjoining fighter robot, with ALPHA in hot pursuit.  Shego turned, gloves glowing, and tried to attack, but ALPHA's rapid punches and kicks kept her on the defensive.  Shego could feel herself tiring; she knew she couldn't keep it up much longer. 

At that moment fate intervened; ALPHA stepped too close to the edge of the dome, slipped and fell off.  This gave Shego time to jump down to a more advantageous position in front of a partially complete monster truck.  ALPHA was already on back her feet and primed for battle.

"You're only delaying the inevitable," ALPHA said, walking towards her.  "Flesh will never beat metal."

"You're right," Shego said.  "I'll just have to fight metal with metal."  With a swipe of her glowing gloved hand she sliced through the chain next to her, one that happened to be holding an engine block twenty feet in the air.  Instantly two thousand pounds of steel came crashing down on ALPHA, pinning her to the ground.  Shego breathed a sigh of relief and leaned heavily against the truck.  

Her break was short-lived.  ALPHA struggled to her feet, the engine block gripped in her hands.  Shego watched in horror as APLHA raised it above her head and threw it at her. Shego barely ducked in time; the engine block crashed into the wall, ripping open several thick high voltage cables.  The damaged cables twisted around wildly like angry pythons, spewing sparks across the floor.

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THAT!"  ALPHA yelled, lunging at Shego.  Shego flipped the robot over her shoulder, sending her crashing into the cables.  Tens of thousands of volts surged through APLHA's metal frame, lighting her up like a Christmas tree before knocking her flat on her back.  ALPHA's limbs jerked around involuntarily, like a marionette caught in its strings. 

"That was a dumb move," Shego smirked.  "I guess you're not as perfect as you thought."

"Minor s-setback," ALPHA rasped.  "My operating s-s-system is fixing the problem now.  I will be fully functional again in five s-seconds!"   

"Good, 'cause I only need four seconds to do this!"  Shego knelt down beside ALPHA and opened the panel containing her motherboard.

"NOOOOO!" ALPHA cried as Shego popped out the A.I. chip.  "PUT THAT BACK YOU BIIIIIIIII…"  ALPHA quickly trailed off, her red eyes fading to black.

There was no time to savor her victory.  Shego hurried back to the control room, where Drakken was still feverishly working the controls.         

"Shego!"  Drakken exclaimed as she came up beside him.  "Where's ALPHA?" 

"The recycling bin," Shego replied.  "What's the situation here?"

"You?"  Drakken blinked in surprise.  "ALPHA sent all of my henchmen packing!  How did you single-handedly defeat the most powerful android in the world?!" 

"Later," Shego snapped.  "How's the whole 'stopping-the-apocalypse' thing going?" 

"The pods are responding to a signal coming from somewhere in the lair, but I can't pinpoint the exact location and I can't override it.  The only option left is to destroy the lair.  Without the signal the pods will shut down…I think."

"You think!?"

"It's our only hope," Drakken replied as he rapidly punched buttons.  "I'm initiating the self-destruct command now.  We'll have three minutes to get to the hanger and take the helicopter out of here.  It will be close, but we can make it."  He hit a large blue button; the timer lit up and began to count down.

"Uh, Dr. Drakken?  Why does the timer say thirty seconds?!"

"Oops," Drakken gulped.  "Forgot to move the decimal point."

"Nice going, genius!"  Shego yelled.

"I don't work well under pressure, okay!"  Drakken snapped.  "There's no stopping it now.  We're done for!"

"Not if I can help it!"  Shego said, activating her glowing green power.  With both fists she blasted away at the floor until the sewers were visible beneath them. 

"Let's go Doc!" She yelled.  Before Drakken could reply she shoved him into the hole.  Shego quickly followed, splashing down into the murky water.  As the current swept them away a loud BOOM, followed by tremors violently shaking the sewer tunnels, signaled the demise of the lair.     


	7. Back to the present

The sun was beginning to set over the North Carolina wilderness.  It was a stunning portrait of unspoiled natural beauty except for the highway and the two damp figures, one blue and one green, walking alongside it.     

"Well, it's starting to get cool," Shego said, hugging herself for warmth.  "I guess we saved the world." 

"Indeed," Drakken said.  "Can we stop for a minute?  I need a rest."

"Again?"  Shego said.  "We just took a break two miles back!" 

"Okay, so I'm not in the best shape," Drakken admitted as he sat down on a large rock.  "I was never very athletic.  As a child I was always picked last in gym."

"There's a shocking news flash," Shego muttered. 

Drakken gave her a look but didn't respond.  Instead, he reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a small notebook and a pen.  "Let's see," he said to himself.  "The lair was too secluded.  The next lair should be closer to a town, just in case I have to jump into the sewers to escape an explosion and get dumped into a river in the middle of nowhere."

"What are you doing?"  Shego asked.

"Making note of everything that went wrong with this scheme.  That way I won't make the same mistakes next time."

"Next time?"  Shego exclaimed.  "Your entire operation was destroyed!  You're wet and tired and stranded in the woods!  How can you be thinking about next time?" 

"You can't let a minor setback get in the way of your destiny, Shego," Drakken replied.  "If I am to take over the world I have to stay focused.  I have to eat, sleep and breathe world domination!  But…I can't do it alone."  He looked at Shego expectantly.

"Yeah…well, as rewarding as it is being your secretary, Doc, I think it's time for me to move on."

"Actually, I was thinking promotion.  I've learned my lesson...no more robots!  I need a sidekick who wants to rule the world, not destroy it!  And you have proved beyond any doubt you're qualified for the job.  So…what do you say?"

Shego looked into Drakken's hopeful eyes.  The man had a knack for driving her crazy and almost got her killed.  But in the one week she worked for him, she'd seen more action and excitement than she had in her six months as a thief.  Working for Drakken would be anything but dull.  And he might actually succeed in taking over the world with the right kind of help...       

"Shego, think about it," Drakken said, as if reading her mind.  "You could go back to being a big fish in a small pond, or you could be a big fish in an Earth-sized pond!" 

"Well…" Shego finally said, "I guess I could do it on a trial basis.  See how things go."  

"That's all I ask," Drakken said cheerfully.  "We'll discuss salary and benefits once we settle into a new lair.  Maybe someplace in Canada…I've always liked that country.  You know, maybe it would be easier to take over the world in pieces instead of all at once.  We could start with Canada and work our way East!"  He began to scribble furiously in his notebook.      

"Whatever you say, Dr. D.  At least we won't have to start over from scratch.  I…managed to save some stuff."  Shego reached into her pocket and pulled out the computer disc with Drakken's blueprints, along with the A.I. chip.

Drakken grinned and took them from her.  "Shego, I believe this is the beginning of a mutually beneficial relationship." 

The moment was interrupted by the sound of an approaching vehicle.  A truck came into view; Shego stepped into the middle of the road and flagged it down.

The driver, a middle-aged farmer, rolled down the window.  "Well howdy folks," he said in a country drawl, "what are y'all doing way out here?" 

"Long story," Shego replied.  "Can you give us a lift?" 

"Sure," the farmer said.  "But you'll have to ride in the back.  "Baby don't like strangers ridin' up front."  As if on cue, a large Pit Bull leaned over the man and growled at Drakken and Shego. 

Moments later the truck was on its way again with the two extra passengers in the back, crammed rather uncomfortably between bags of cement and farm tools.  The air felt even colder slamming against their wet clothes and hair at seventy miles an hour.

"Why don't we play a game to pass the time?"  Drakken suggested.  "How about, 'Name that Disease?'  I'll go first.  I'm a distant cousin of the Ebola virus.  I am often mistaken for the flu, cause respiratory failure and am fatal in fifty percent of all cases!  What am I?" 

"Um, how far until the next town?"  Shego yelled through the window in the back of the cab. 

"Not far," the farmer yelled back.  "'Bout fifty, sixty miles." 

"Come on, Shego, take a guess!"

Shego groaned inwardly.  _I doubt I'll last a month at this job,_ she thought.

Shego knocked on Drakken's office door but didn't wait for a response before opening it.  Her boss looked up from his work and frowned. 

"Back to taunt me a second time?"  He asked coolly. 

"I found your gift," Shego said, placing it in front of him.  It was a small wooden plaque with the A.I. chip mounted in the center.  Right below it was a golden plate with an inscription that read,_ To my MVP-Happy 5th Anniversary._  "I didn't even know you still had the A.I. chip."

"Neither did I," Drakken replied.  "I found it a few weeks ago when I was cleaning out the storage room where I keep all of my failed inventions…"

"Yeah, I imagine that room must be getting pretty cluttered," Shego interrupted.

"ANYWAY, I got to thinking of all we've been through since then, and how you've stuck with me despite all of the…setbacks.  It's not often you find such loyalty and dedication.  I just wanted to show my appreciation."   

"Oh I get it…that after school special was on TV again wasn't it?  You know what that does to you."

"So what if it was?"  Drakken snapped.  "Can't we have a moment without you making some wisecrack!?  Just this once?"

"Okay, okay, but only because today is a special day," Shego replied.  "It's not too late to go out to dinner, if you're still interested."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Wonderful!  I'll just go put on my favorite cologne!"  Drakken hurried off to his bedroom.

"Okay, I'll go start the car," Shego called after him.  She wasn't very hungry, but it didn't matter.  Drakken's favorite cologne was foul; it would no doubt get them thrown out of the restaurant, and they'd end up sitting on the curb in front of a mini-mart eating microwave burritos.  She would listen to him rant about how when he ruled the world he would shut down that restaurant and send the entire staff to a labor camp, and she would respond with her usual sarcastic wit.  

Shego smiled in spite of herself.  _I guess we do all need somebody,_ she mused.  _Mine just happens to be an egomaniacal fruitcake._

And that suited her just fine.

Shego picked up her plaque and exited the office, shutting off the lights behind her. 

THE END

a/n: Well, that's it.  Hope the ending wasn't too sugary.  Thank you all for your wonderful reviews, they are very encouraging!   See you next time!  


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